how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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