i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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