I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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