He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
