I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
