My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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