Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
