ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
