I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
