I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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