I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
