I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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