The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
