God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How does it feel to date your dad?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
