the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
