Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My life is pants optional.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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