i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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