see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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