is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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