After last night, I could never be a politician.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
