Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
