All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
