I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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