I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
organizing the empties. That sober.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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