Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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