Your mouth is God's brothel.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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