If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
