I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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