i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
