I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
