considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
