so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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