I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
