The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
