If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
