i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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