bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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