last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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