I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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