I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
