drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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