Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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