i permit you to call me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
