I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
