Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
