his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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