Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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