i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
