I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Randomize
