i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
