i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
