508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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