I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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