it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
