I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
