I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
