Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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