Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
