Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The Olympian is in my bed
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
