Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
