I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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