Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
