You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I am naked and annoyed.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
