I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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